The Dark Days are Over Now

There is no doubt to me or I'm sure any of you that this has been the most difficult and the most rewarding year of my life.  I can tell you though, that it has been a beautiful time for me.  The peace that holds my heart and the happiness that transcends my life is unbelievable.  I have never felt so alive and so, just sure of nothing yet at complete peace with it.

I think the problem with myself that I figured out is that I was never whole as an individual.  A good friend told me that it is impossible to be with someone else until you are whole yourself.  I have had my own bouts and battles with depression in the past and it is so difficult to overcome, but I think the problem was that I never understood who I really was the entire time.  Maybe in brief moments of time I knew, but I lost sight of that or could not hold onto it consistently.

But now I'm not worried about whether I have been funny enough at a party or been sociable enough, I just love being there and being apart of people's lives.  I feel no obligations to be or do something, I just am who I am.  Most important of all I just love being myself.  The things I've written I think are great (though frustrating as hell at times), and I love my music and the feeling and love I can divulge into it, even if I don't play something exactly as written, I just want everything to be my own.

I don't think it's a selfish existence, it's just a self-realized existence.  You can't really help others unless you can help yourself.  I always thought I was just being self-absorbed, but it's not, it's just a need to self-exist and be apart of something that's you, that's your own.

This year I've read more books, wrote more books and music, and been on my own and with others more than any other time in my life.  I'm not worried if I sing loud or write something that will offend someone, because it is what I believe and love.

So happy new year everyone, and thanks for being apart of my journey all along.  I love you all.

~Dale

P.S. If you haven't seen Scott Pilgrim Versus the World, you should because it is amazing!

California in the Winter

Hey Everyone,

I've had a long trip of just over 3 months now.  It's been so awesome and I love traveling around and being free... but I also love school and all of you!

I've missed seeing you all a ton and can't believe that today is the day when I actually get to see all your faces again!  It's been an awesome trip filled with highs and lows, getting lost, and bizzare experiences, but I truly believe it has changed my life forever, maybe not for the better, but definitely for good.  I have never been so certain and uncertain of where my life is headed.  All I know is I'm certain that the uncertain will lead me where I need to go...

I no longer worry about tomorrow because if God looks after the sparrows how much more will he care for me?  I have let the verse run over and over again whenever I am down just repeating it over and over helps me look toward tomorrow as a bright light which I cannot see through and so rather than looking at it I'll sit here in today and let that light lead me home.

God Bless you all.  I love you and thanks for all the support.  I loved talking/spending time with every one of you.  Josh and Catherine, thanks for being like my brother and sister and loving me through this all.  And thank each of you for being there to talk to and everything.

Love,
Dale

Tripping and Falling

So I know I haven't posted in a long time so no one is probably even following this anymore lol...
butttt i have a ton of stuff to talk about

Anyways, last wednesday we went to a crazy lcd soundsystem which is a techno bands concert.  I heard their music before and it was ok but the actual concert was really good.  And i got my over 21 bracelet hells ya!  And I got some alcohol... light beer though really isn't that good, but it wasn't too bad either.

I don't even think I posted on this but in florida I went to the beach and went for the first time into the Gulf of Mexico!  Woot!  Ok and the freakin water is warm.  Not like they say "Oh california water is warm or hawaii water is warm (actually hawaii water is pretty warm)" but florida was like a hot spa it was so warm, literally it was about 80 in that water and it felt soooo good.

But ya so the LCD soundsystem concert was crazy, before the concert I met Lia who is a pretty cool girl who is johnny's friend, we've hung out several times, she's kinda nuts but the kind of girl that I would definitely be friends with, her boyfriend was really cool too even though he was a stoner... but they kinda all are stoners so whatever lol... But before the concert we had dinner with her parents it was so funny, I had met her for the first time and I was meeting her parents along with jon.  So I totally hit it up with her dad because he was a boy scout and his two sons are eagle scouts so we were talkign about backpacking and stuff...  the funny thing is I make really good first impressions on people's parents, but I guess I just suck in all the after time...

But they went to the concert with us pretty funny and all her family bought the same exact t-shirt, lol, but before we went in they had to of course smoke a bowl aka smoke a bunch of weed and get high... SO they walked down a dark street to the side and lit up while i walked with them and watched them smoke.      The concert went well and that night was fun.  The next day jon had to work from like 5pm to 3 am freakin nuts!  so I didn't do that much... Oh i also walked all around boulder campus and that was crazy and their music hall is phenomenal its like a modern opera house...

Thursday I was trip sitting Lia and her friend Katie... which means they were on mushrooms and I had to watch them to make sure they didn't do anything stupid, "tripping" and "rolling" are basically slang terms for being on drugs and hallucinating... but i thoroughly enjoyed watching them go totally crazy it was kinda funny they weren't totally nuts but they would stare at something and be like "Whoa! pretty colors" and crap like that.

So friday was nuts... we went to the hill (which is like the party central for a college that is ranked like 5 in top ten party schools) earlier and jon and the others lit up the hooka with weed and did mega weed... funny thing is one of his friends (a girl about 18) is a drug dealer, but she is like a normal college kid not some freaky scary person.  But anyways we went back picked up lia then went to the hill again for a fancy wine party.  I had a glass of wine there... they all smoked more weed and cigars at the place again and jon had like 6 glasses of wine so he got pretty drunk and lia had a couple also, her boyfriend just smoked weed... anyways we got back to lia's house later and her roomates are both drunk... one of the her roomates, Daniel, was like grinding up on everyone and running around like freakin crazy, Lia and her boyfriend were like hooking up and stuff, jon was just sitting there stoned smiling, and heather (Lia's other roomate) was hardcore trying to hook up with me.  Anyways, so they were all drunk and wanted to play bear pong but there was no beer left lol, so Heather was kinda falling me around, but she was pretty drunk so I went outside where Daniel was throwing up hardcore from drinking so much and running around... I made sure he was ok, and just kinda walked down the street and left since I was the only sober one there and I didn't want to hook up with anyone...

So that's a crazy story i know you can ask me about it if you want it's pretty funny, but everyone smokes weed ALL THE TIME here.  Like every house smells like weed when you walk in its rediculous and jon and all his friends smoke every day sometimes a few times... but its definitely been real...

Tonight we are seeing a prescreening of Due Date with jon and his roomates all right!  I'm excited to see it with Zach Galfanakis or whatever and Robert Downey Jr.  Maybe, we will hit up a party later haha...

Anyways I also had half a glass of Vodka with Red Code Mountain Dew on that friday night and it was really good... mixed drinks were definitely awesome...

I miss you all like crazy and love you!  At least yesterday I was able to ahve a conversation with jon about not smoking as much as he did.  He said it was not an addicting drug, but I told him anything can become addicting whether or not it has addicting properties if you can't control it... so that was good, it's nuts here though like legitimately freakin crazy with all the weed and stuff but ya...

I love you, Jesus, and may he keep you and continue to bless you...

Love,
Dale

Claire De Lune

Yes the moonlight is bright tonight... Well that's what Claire de Lune means anyway...

It's actually a piano piece I have just started working on, I've been cranking out Brahms Intermezzo 188 Op. 2... that's a beast of a piece, definitely beyond my skill level, but you learn the most when you push yourself is what I believe, and it's such a beautiful piece I don't think I could ever do it justice, I don't really think anyone could for that matter but when I play it I feel so alive, so passionate, sometimes I can sit hammering it out for about three hours and still feel like no time has passed at all, besides the sweat pouring from my body I wouldn't even be able to tell.

Like is funny sometimes.  You make a plan A, then a plan B, then a Plan C, then  plan D, etc.  and God sometimes lets your plans go through but his plan is always plan Z something you never planned for and you may hate it at first or for a while, but the quicker you learn to except it the more you're bound to learn.  I've found out that even though I still worry about things, I worry less now because I know that they are going to end up okay.  I've had to trust God being lost in cities, running low on money, mixing up travel dates, but instead of resisting and trying so hard to get back to the original plans I had before, I'm learning to just say, "Ok, God, that's fine.  I didn't plan it that way, I didn't really want it that way, but you know better and it's going to be all right."  Because after it's said and done, I know God has better plans for me than I've had for myself my whole life.  

I mean if you would have told me 3 years ago I would have been a music major or I'd be travelling around the U.S. or I would have gone to China by now, I would not have had that in my playbook.  I never even intended to go to Vanguard, it was my last school choice, and yet I went and have been so blessed by it.  I'm seeing these puzzle pieces fall into place when I thought they didn't fit together before. I hate it, I know, but I've learned to resist less and just stop holding on to my plans.  

You know if I don't go to Graduate school, it's ok, maybe I'll go teach in China.  Maybe that's where God wanted me all along.  If I don't get a job teaching in China maybe I'll go spend a year teaching English or Music for a Christian ministry.  Maybe if that doesn't work out....

The possibilities are endless, and instead of fearing the unknown I've grown to love it more, because I know God has something exciting planned that is better than anything I have planned in my life.  

All you gotta do is look up at the Moon and stars and know it's going to be all right.

Love,

Dale

In this crazy life, and in these crazy times...

So haven't written for a while... sorry...

Wow, the buses are crazy out here.  I met a guy who wanted me to recite these sentences about green hills and gorillas or something.. i think it was a tongue twister, he was a little crazy in the head.  He got onto the bus and started yelling about how Jesus would come back and he was the reedeemed and stuff and was goign up to all these people getting up in there faces.  Everyone I think was a little freaked out so I decided to talk to him so no one else would freak out.

Anyways, he told me there was a film about him coming out.  Harry potter (Danielle Radcliffe) is apparently in it.  I don't know how true that is.  He said it was all lies about him though and only he knew the truth.  I was reading my screenwriting book so we talked a little about that.  He calmed down after a while and only ocasionally would yell out "The power of Christ compels you" or something like that lol. 

Haha so today I went on another bus (the buses are rediculous out here!) and this handicapped guy was screaming and cussing as he got on the bus and we were all crammed in like sardines.  Then this huge black lady gets on and squeezes in next to me, unfortunately she smells like urine, then two people with strollers get on and a swarm of kids.  All these old people are telling me to sit down then get up cuz I'm not being respectful of them, then telling me to sit down again.  Then we get so packed no one can move and the handicapped guy in his motorized cart needs to get off.  So he's screaming and cussing, and I'm seriously sitting there laughing out loud at how rediculous the situation is.  Then as if things weren't rediculous enough the bus driver is like, ok well this bus is no good you are all going to have to get off.  Lol so basically an hour later, going less than a mile I got totally screwed over.  I COULD HAVE WALKED THE DISTANCE FASTER!  haha

Oh man, Chicago is nuts but I love it.  So i got a nice surprise.  My mom sent me this email and it was like, wow I saw the check auntie hana gave you and wow thats a lot of money!  I was like really?  she gave me $20 i guess we're getting pretty poor.  But then I looked at the check again and it was $200!  haha wow dumb me. 

So much to tell!  Anyways I went out to a bar on Addison right next to Wrigley Park and finally Christened my birthday with a Margarita (I guess capitalizing Christened is kinda sacreligious since i was drinking lol oh well)  Anyway drank the whole thing and felt slightly buzzed but nothing that bad.  It actually felt really nice, kinda fun.  I wouldn't want to be drunk and wasn't but it was kinda fun just feeling a little lighter lol.

So we basically have finished up moving out of Hana's apartment.  Me and grandma just hide stuff from her and throw it away or else she will just keep it and her apartment is basically full with junk which she will throw away once she gets to her new place anyway.  I finished me screenwriting book it was great!  Now I'm reading my musical book and really excited.  Writing character sketches and finished the storyboard and wrote a few scenes for the musical I'm working on... we'll see how that goes, I guess I've always been a little too ambitious for my own good, eh but what the hell. 

I hope everything is going well with school and work for you guys, I've got some funny stories to tell.  I really wish I could tell you these in person they are way more funny.  I laugh otu loud thinking about them now. 

God bless you and keep you.  Somehow besides my resistance and sometimes anger he always finds a way to show me a way through life.  I know he has a story and path for all of you once you decide to give up your own.

~Dale

Growing Old

So I haven't written in a while.  I'm sorry, I've just been really busy helping my great aunt hana move.  My grandma and great uncle Johnny were there but they are so old now that its hard for them to lift anything heavy so I did almost all the heavy lifting down 4 flights of stairs was quite interesting...

Anyways, I'm so glad we got everything moved out.  Wow, i guess i have to go back to Thursday where I went to the museum of art in chicago.  AMAZING!  truly amazing.  They're art insititute demolishes ours.  They have renoir, monet, manet, van goh, munch, jackson pollock, picasso, el grecco, just so many amazing paintings there and all of them were pretty famous ones and they have a modern wing which is incredible too.  And i went on a free night!  i took pictures imitating the ferris buehler moment where the camera slowly zooms in on that little girl in the pointilism picture then back on his friend then back to the picture but unfortunately they got deleted since i got a new phone today.  It's a touch screen, pretty nice, I'm happy I got it and it's still pretty small and convenient.

I got to spend the night by myself in Auntie Hana's old place last night which was really fun just being in the city by myself.  Also after moving Hana in to her new place I went downtown to Columbia College and saw some of their dance recitals.  They were incredible!

I usually don't appreciate dance that much cuz I think sometimes its really pointless and random, but they combined good dancing with creative choreography which made for both a humorous and intriguing dance routine.  I loved it though and it was nice to see dance can be so much more interesting than i thought.  And the people there are crazy with half their head shaved and spiked dyed hair on the other.  Piercings everywhere.  All that jazz.  It was pretty awesome.

It's been a really long and tiring weekend I'm pretty tired.  I'm so glad God brought me here to be able to help because no one else really helped hana out besides the other old people, and no one could really lift heavy things.  I love the city so much and am going to miss it!  But I hate eating out and can't wait to get some real homeade food in princeton instead of eating out all the time.

Oh i forgot there was this crazy guy on one of the buses who everyone was wierded out by so they all like moved away from him but i didn't really care so i was sitting next to him.  He was saying something about Jesus and goats with grass or something.  He made me recite some random sentences and then told me there was a movie coming out about him with "Harry Potter" (Daniel Radcliffe) starring in it.  He said none of it was true though so not to believe what the movie said.  I said I wouldn't.  The guy was really nice, though, and I talked to him about screenwriting because I'm reading about screenwriting.

So, now I'm at a hotel in Addison with my dad who came in today.  I'm exausted and so tired and ready to just sit back and watch some glee, fringe, project runway, 30 rock, the office, and all of my favorite shows.

Love you all and hope you're having an amazing semester.

Dave Matthews and Terrorists

SOrry I haven't written in a while, I've been a bit busy.  Anyways, a few days ago I went into the city to see the Chicago Symphony Orchestra perform.  It was an amazing performance.  And millenium park is so beautiful and there concert hall is like 100x better than the Orange County one.  Anyways there had to be at least 15,000 people there standing up sitting and everything.  After the performance they shot up fireworks all around the arena where we were listening.  This little girl about 5 or something next to me started laughing and jumping up and down, it was really cute, it's something Rachel would have done as a child haha.

Tonight I'm heading to Navy Pier to see Romeo and Juliet in the SHakespeare Theatre that is shaped exactly like the globe (Shakespeare's theatre for all you non-English majors).  That should be pretty fun.  Oh I forgot to tell everyone that I've moved downtown for the week to my Aunti Hana's so I can help her move and pack up and everything.  So today I'm going to hang out in the city for a while.  Hana and my grandma are funny since they're sisters, they act just like sisters would lol.

When I first got to my Aunti Hana's (My Aunt lives right next to Wrigley field fyi) Dave Matthews was performing and the concert was sold out.  YOu could hear the music from her apartment.  Anyways, it was pretty amusing because the FBI had given this terrorist a fake bomb to plant, and he planted it at 52nd and Clark which is like right across the street from the my Aunti Hana's.  And after he planted it they arrested him and so now I guess he's going to the jail.  So I almost got blown up by Terrorists!!!  haha luckily the FBI got to him first so it never really was a threat.

I hope you all are doing great.  I'm not really homesick, but I do miss hanging out with you guys.  Pray for me.  Mornings are the worst but by the afternoon I'm usually okay.  Some days are good some are bad.  But life goes on.

~Dale