There is no doubt to me or I'm sure any of you that this has been the most difficult and the most rewarding year of my life. I can tell you though, that it has been a beautiful time for me. The peace that holds my heart and the happiness that transcends my life is unbelievable. I have never felt so alive and so, just sure of nothing yet at complete peace with it.
I think the problem with myself that I figured out is that I was never whole as an individual. A good friend told me that it is impossible to be with someone else until you are whole yourself. I have had my own bouts and battles with depression in the past and it is so difficult to overcome, but I think the problem was that I never understood who I really was the entire time. Maybe in brief moments of time I knew, but I lost sight of that or could not hold onto it consistently.
But now I'm not worried about whether I have been funny enough at a party or been sociable enough, I just love being there and being apart of people's lives. I feel no obligations to be or do something, I just am who I am. Most important of all I just love being myself. The things I've written I think are great (though frustrating as hell at times), and I love my music and the feeling and love I can divulge into it, even if I don't play something exactly as written, I just want everything to be my own.
I don't think it's a selfish existence, it's just a self-realized existence. You can't really help others unless you can help yourself. I always thought I was just being self-absorbed, but it's not, it's just a need to self-exist and be apart of something that's you, that's your own.
This year I've read more books, wrote more books and music, and been on my own and with others more than any other time in my life. I'm not worried if I sing loud or write something that will offend someone, because it is what I believe and love.
So happy new year everyone, and thanks for being apart of my journey all along. I love you all.
~Dale
P.S. If you haven't seen Scott Pilgrim Versus the World, you should because it is amazing!
